T for Temari and Troublesome
by glockcourage
Summary: Previous title inside. A re-post. Summary: Temari is acting strange. Is it because of Shikamaru's new powerful jutsu? Gaara and Kankuro are alarmed...Naruto is investigating...And Chouji with Ino may join the fray.
1. Why Shikamaru?

Summary: Temari is acting strange. Is it because of Shikamaru's new powerful jutsu? Gaara and Kankuro are alarmed. Warning: High level of OOCness.

**Temari is not a bitch**

Rated: T, sexual themes nothing explicit, multiple swearing

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto, Temari belongs to Shikamaru

**Why, Shikamaru?**

"Kazekage-sama."

"No need to be so formal, Temari."

"So what brings you and Kankuro here in Konoha?"

"Thanks Tem. You really make me and Gaara feel welcome."

"You two should have at least sent a letter first."

"And ruin the surprise. No way sister dear."

"Gaara, I expect this from Kankuro but you... _you_ should know better, you can't come and visit without notifying me."

"Why not, Temari?"

"Yeah why not, Tem?"

"Because... _because_..."

"Because?"

"Shut up, Kankuro!"

"Tem, as your brother it's our obligation to make sure that that Nara is taking care of you."

"Yes, Temari. Kankuro said that how would we know if Shikamaru is treating you right if we announce our arrival."

"Well, I..."

"Temari, why are you crying?"

"_I'M NOT CRYING!"_

"You are."

"Gaara, I'm not crying."

"I knew it! That Nara! He's not treating you right, isn't he!"

"Kankuro, stop it!"

"Nara better hide because if I see him Karasu will make sure nobody else will again."

"Kankuro, you won't hurt a single strand of hair on my husband's head much less his body!"

"I will and what's more Gaara will help me."

"Wipe that smirk off your face and Gaara won't help you."

"I will, Temari."

"See Tems…"

"Gaara, not you too!"

"_Oi!_ I didn't know your brothers are arriving today."

"Shika."

"Shikamaru."

"Nara!"

"What?"

"Shika, I think you better run."

"Why?"

"I'll explain later."

"Why don't you expl— _Alright._ I'll run now. Nice seeing you Kankuro, Gaara."

"Gaara, Kankuro now listen."

"If he is not guilty, why did he run away, Temari?"

"Because I told him to."

"Tem, Nara doesn't really listen to you so why would he start now?"

"My husband listens to me."

"No, he doesn't."

"I'll show you he does."

"Go ahead."

"_SHIIIKAMARUUUU!"_

"Oi, I thought you told me to run."

"See, I told you Kankuro my husband listens to me."

"So Temari, why are your brothers here? Did they hear the news already?"

"Yes, we did. And you Nara Shikamaru are dead!"

"Hey, whadaya mean?"

"Kankuro, let him go. Gaara, not you too. Don't take out your sand from that gourd."

"Temari, wha—"

"It's well... I cried when I saw them."

"Oh that."

"Yes, _that_ bastard. What did you do that made our sister cry?"

"Okay okay. Let me go so I could tell you."

"So you admit it you bastard. I should kill you right now."

"_Kankuro!"_

"This is troublesome..._Kagemane no jutsu._"

"Shika, are you alright?"

"Of course, I'm not, woman. Your brothers are trying to kill me."

"Gomen, Shika."

"Okay okay. I'm okay. See?"

"But my brothers tried to kill you."

"Shikamaru, what is wrong with Temari?"

"Don't listen to him, Gaara. He might also do to you what he did to Tem!"

"I wanna know what's wrong with Temari. And I think Shikamaru is the only one who could explain it to us, Kankuro."

"Let me go, Nara."

"I will after you promise you'll listen first."

"_Dammit _Nara!... Alright!"

"_Tch_, troublesome...Don't worry Gaara, even you Kankuro. Tsunade-sama said it's normal for Temari to cry."

"_IT'S NOT NORMAL FOR TEMARI TO CRY, ASSHOLE!"_

"Kankuro, be quiet."

"Gaara, I think Nara's power is now affecting you too."

"You want me to continue or not?"

"Continue."

"Tsunade- sama assured me that it's normal for a pregnant woman to be emotional."

"_Pregnant?"_

"Yes, Gaara. Temari is..."

"_YOU BASTARD I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"_

"You won't do that otherwise your niece or nephew won't have a fath—_Tch_ woman, don't cry."

"Kankuro said he's gonna kill you."

"Of course he won't. You won't, won't you Kankuro?"

"Ye— yes Tem. I won't hurt Nara if he promises that he'll take good care of you and ... _your _kid."

"Thank you, Kankuro."

"Tem, I can't breathe. You have to let go."

"I love you, Kankuro."

"Eh?"

"Temari, I... You...also...me?"

"Yes you too, Gaara."

"Yeah, she cries all the time. She hugs you for no apparent reason. She hits you suddenly. She just clearly becomes more troublesome."

"What did you say, Shika?"

"I said I doubt your brothers would come visit you again without telling us first they're coming."

—o0o—

~10/14,15/10, 6 14 /12 AF U 6 14 12~

A/N_ new_: If this fic appears familiar, it is. This is a repost since FFN took it down last week because of the word '_Bitch'_ on the title.

Anyway, you can read/re-read the _"Gaara hates Shikamaru"_ fic. That one has tons of what this one lacks 'cause they were conceptualized that way. Aw that proves just how old this fic is ~sighs~.


	2. Lucky?

Summary: Temari continues to act strange even Naruto notices it. While Kakashi notices something else.

Rating: T

**Lucky!**

"Shikamaru, have you seen Naruto?"

"No."

"What happened to you? That must be some mission…"

"Tch."

"You probably did not see Naruto yet if you just arrived from your mission. I'll probably find him in—_There_ _he is— NARUTO!"_

"Kakashi-sensei, I've been looking for you! Tsunade-bachan has a new mission that she wants me to..._Oi Shikamaru, what happened to your face?"_

"Tch."

"I think Shikamaru's latest mission was a bit dangerous. Hey, I just came from a very long mission myself. So Naruto, I'll probably won't be joining you in your new assignment. Yamato can—"

"But Tsunade-bachan said you're coming and Shikamaru had no recently concluded missions. _Ne, Shikamaru?_"

"If Shikamaru was not in any mission, where did he get that ugly gnash on his forehead, and that cut on his lower lip?"

"_Dattebayo! _It's 'cause of Temari!"

"Shut up Naruto!"

"Oh ho ho."

"Stop laughing, sensei!"

"So Naruto what happened to Shikamaru while I was away?"

"I'm going to tell you after you treat me to Ichiraku ramen, Kakashi-sensei."

"Come on. Let's go then Naruto...This is going to be more entertaining than Icha-Icha Tactics."

"Tch, Naruto's just pulling your leg."

"You can come too, Shikamaru. Afterall, it's sensei's treat!"

"_What a drag_... Just so you know I'm coming since I don't want you telling stories to this perv—to Kakashi-sensei."

—o0o—

"Okay Naruto, there's your ramen. So what happened while I was away?"

"Lemme yeat first (slurp), sensei."

"You're wasting your time, _that_ _baka_ doesn't know anything."

"_Aww,_ Shikamaru, I know something. I've been observing you and Temari since she started acting strange."

"Temari's acting strange, how so?"

"Well, sensei, I saw her buying chocolates."

"Naruto, that's not strange."

"_IT IS!_ I know for a fact Shikamaru hates sweets but she bought lots and lots of those chocolates. Temari couldn't possibly eat all of it!"

"Okay. Go on."

"Well, then I saw her smirking to herself as if she had done something devious so that was the time I decided to follow her."

"_Wait. You're saying you stalked my wife?"_

"I did not stalk her! What I did was investigate since I thought she was going to give those chocolates to somebody else _err_ _not you._"

"Investigate? Couldn't you just conclude that she might give those to Ino or Sakura or even Tenten. Tch, there was no need to follow her."

"But you forgot, it was not any of their birthdays but I know it was Neji's…"

"So are you saying Naruto that you suspected that Temari was having an affair with Neji?"

"_Eh? No—I—yeah,_ I always thought Temari and Neji look good together. Not that you don't look good together too Shikamaru but they look bette—"

"_Baka!_ Temari would never hook up with that Neji."

"Alright Shikamaru, be quiet. Naruto continue."

"I followed Temari expecting her to meet Neji to give to him those chocol—"

"Wait Naruto, does Neji even like chocolates?"

"I overheard once before Tenten saying to Hinata that Neji likes her chocolates."

"Okay. Continue."

"I was following Temari— _not stalking her_— and I could hear her chuckle to herself. It sounded so evil and then, then…"

"Then what, Naruto?"

"Then she saw that kid on the swing in playground. The kid was there all alone. I heard Temari asking why was that and the kid replied that since his father was Itachi, nobody wants to play with him."

"Yes, poor Itachu. Go on."

"_So that's what happened…_"

"Did you say something, Shikamaru?"

"Tch, nothing."

"Dattebayo! That was when I finally realized why Temari-chan married Shikamaru. She actually has a soft heart… _Ne_ Shikamaru, Temari actually pities you so she married you, right?"

"And she probably regrets doing so that's why she bashes your head, splitting your skull along with your lips!"

"Stop laughing, Sensei. Temari doesn't regret—_yet_ marrying me. And you Naruto, your story's not yet finished."

"_Dattebayo!_ Where was I?"

"Temari saw Itachu."

"As I was saying Temari approached Itachu and offered to him the chocolates. They were eating together all those mouth watering, delicious looking chocolates and I couldn't help it, I advanced towards them. Itachu smiled at me but Temari glared. I was hungry so I asked for a bar but she said she'll give me one only if I swear I won't tell you that I saw her..._ops_ you didn't hear this story from me, Shikamaru!"

"Thanks Naruto. I thought somebody stole her chocolates when she arrived home without them which actually seemed impossible the way she guards those sweets even from me. Troublesome woman, she already knows I don't touch those stuffs."

"Naruto that still doesn't answer my question what happened to Shikamaru's face?"

"Temari happened."

"Listen, sensei, Naruto does not know anything."

"Of course, I know! She hit you with her tessen!"

"No Naruto. She did not hit me with her fan."

"Look, isn't that Temari? _Wow!_ (dog whistles)"

"That's my wife you're ogling, sensei."

"Yeah, and you lucky son of a bitch."

"Dattebayo, she seems to have grown bigger."

"But in all the right places, Naruto."

"_Sensei!"_

"Alright, I'll shut up, Shikamaru. But you'll tell me what happened to your face?"

"Tch, troublesome."

"_So?"_

"Temari just wanted it rough…and the bedpost—_nevermind._"

—o0o—

11/15-17/10 ~5 21 12 AF U 6 23 12~

A/N: Thanks to the people that fave this one. Hope you guys review too.


	3. Temari is a bitch

Summary: Shikamaru & Temari are spending some 'alone' time together...or are they?

Now Rated M… not really.

**Temari is a bitch**

"Tch, troublesome."

"What Nara?"

"_I said it's troublesome!"_

"So you don't wanna do this?"

"I didn't say that."

"Good."

"So where should I place this?"

"Maybe there. Hmm there."

"Can't you make up your mind?"

"Well, I can always do this on my own, you know."

"_NOT ON YOUR LIFE!"_

"Oh it's nice to know you care so much about the baby, you wouldn't even let me lift a thing."

"_This crib is heavy, woman!"_

"It's not!"

"_IT IS!"_

"If you say so, Crybaby."

"Temari, you're not going to continue calling me that are you?"

"Wanna stop me...Crybaby?"

"_That's it!"_

"Eii, Shikamaru what are you doing?"

"Tch, isn't it obvious. I'm carrying you, aren't I?"

"Are you going to have your wicked way with me?"

"_ABSOLUTELY!_ Now be a good girl and—"

"_Aww Shika_ you know I'm not good and I'm not a girl."

"—and I will reward you"

"Are you offering to paint the living room as well?"

"No."

"So what's my reward?"

"You'll see."

"Now."

"Later."

"Why not now?

"Temari, shut up."

"_Mmm...Ohh..._ Shikamaru, you're such a good kisser."

"and...mmm...you're..."

"_Yes, there... I...yes."_

"Temari, I..."

"Hmm kiss me some more Shika."

"Temari, wait... I... _hey don't do that!_"

"Why not? You like it."

"Temari, I..."

"Shika, don't stop... I need you now."

"Wait don't remove my pants. I'll do it."

"Hurry up."

"_Damn!"_

"What's wrong?"

"Temari, I'm sorry."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because of this."

"Yeah, so the baby monitor is in your pocket."

"—"

"What?"

"It's turned on—accidentally when we..."

"So?"

"This, Temari, is the smallest audio transmitter available. See just the size of a matchbox and I gave the receiver to Chouji so he could check it out if he could hear us— I mean the baby even at his place. Ok don't look at me like that. We were trying this product. How would we know it's effective if we don't try it?"

"Shi-ka-_mA-RU!"_

"Maybe, they didn't turn it on."

"Yeah...maybe they didn't."

"Chouji wouldn't turn it on. Yeah I'm sure."

"Chouji won't but Ino would."

"I— _Ite!_ Woman, that hurts!"

"They did. They did. They d—"

"Temari, I... They probably turned it off when they heard us uhm you know..."

"_SHIKAMARU!" _

"Well, look on the bright side. You're doing it with me your husband."

"Shikamaru, you... I..._YOU HAVE MADE ME LOOK LIKE A DOG IN HEAT!_"

"Yeah."

"_What the hell are you smirking about?!"_

"Well, Temari, they already know I'm your bitch but at least now they also know you're _my bitch._"

—o0o—

~10/14,15/10AF~

~Re Post 12 14 12~


	4. Temari's Love

**Temari's Love**

"I'm here. I'm here. _Shh..._"

"Are you hungry? Wait, I'll just get this off then you can eat."

"_My, my_ look how hungry you are!"

"You sure like my milk...your father says it taste weird."

"_Ouch!"_

"What you're still hungry?"

"_Shh_...stop crying. You'll wake your father... yeah I wouldn't mind you doing that but he has an important mission tomorrow...so _shhh_."

"Ok. Ok. Here's the other one."

"If your father is this ravenous he'll probably end up like Choji...Good thing he's not."

"...I hope you don't take up after your father, Shikari."

"Oh you're gurgling, does that mean you agree with me?"

"Yeah, your father is a lazy _a_— Okay I almost swear. Good thing your father's not awake. He told me not to swear in front of you. He doesn't want your first word to mean his behind."

"But I hope you're going to be as intelligent as him and as brave as me..."

"I need to burp you up first..._There there_."

"Oh you're yawning...You remind me of your father when you do that. I guess you're ready to go back to sleep huh."

"Goodnight Shikari... Your mother loves you."

~11/16/10AF~

~Repost 12 19 12~

A/N: I think Temari would make a wonderful mother...

Yup until the end it's just dialogues… and it started with 4 then 3 then 2 then just 1 person talking…hope you guys noticed before I said it though.

This collection is old but I hope you still R & R.


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